Single Job
by Ritsu Arasashi
Summary: It was just a simple job, that Hidan gave to Tobi to occupy him. Now Hidan's on a mission, and the job has backfired. What's Tobi going to do?


**Disclaimer**: I do not own Naruto or any of the Akatsuki. There are times when I wish I owned Tobi. This story changes my mind.

A/N: This may stay a one-shot, or I may continue it as a bunch of Tobi one-shots. Review and tell me what you think!

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Single Job

"Come on, Master Hidan."

"No, Tobi, now shut up."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pleease?"

"NO!"

"Puh-lease?"

"I said no, Jashin dammit! Now shut the fuck up."

"But-"

Hidan whirled around snatching Tobi up by the front of his Akatsuki robes. "I told you to leave me alone, you little bastard. Now, shut the fuck up and leave me the hell alone."

"But Master Hidan-"

"FUCKIN' HELL! What the fuck is it?"

"I'm bored."

Hidan scowled and flung Tobi to the ground. "And why the fuck should I care?"

"Because he'll obviously pester you until you find something to occupy his time," Kakazu said boredly as he walked up to the two men.

Seeing Tobi nod eagerly, Hidan scowled. Much as he hated to admit it, Kakazu was right. But... A sadistic smile spread slowly across his face. "Okay, you little bastard. I've got a job for you."

Tobi's eyes widened. "Yay!"

"But you better fuckin' do it right," Hidan said. "Or I'll sacrifice you to Jashin-sama with your dick in your mouth."

"Just tell him what it is, Hidan," Kakazu sighed.

"Fine. Tobi, this is what I want you to do..."

Twenty minutes later, after much nodding and "Tobi is a good boy, Tobi can make Master Hidan happy," from Tobi and, of course, much scythe brandishing and threats from Hidan, Tobi had his job.

It was just a simple job. It wouldn't be too bad, right?

Maybe not for anyone else.

Tobi's job was simply to set off the five bombs that Deidara had set up around the base. They were rocket style bombs, so they wouldn't cause too much of a problem on the ground.

Hidan was merely apathetic about the bombs. He was neither for them, or against them.

Deidara, on the other hand, would probably murder Tobi for setting them off. Oh, well. At least the annoying little bastard would be out of his hair.

Tobi took the flint Hidan handed him and tried to set off the first bomb.

It fizzled once and stopped.

Hidan snickered.

Tobi struck it again.

It fizzled and stopped. (Again.)

Hidan snorted. Tobi couldn't even set off a bomb!

Kakazu sighed and walked off.

Tobi tried it again.

Maybe the third time would be the charm, right?

The wick didn't even fizzle this time.

Hidan collapsed to the ground, clutching his sides in laughter. "Oh, fuckin' hell! You can't even set off a bomb! Hahaha!"

Tobi frowned and said, "Master Hidan, won't Deidara-sempai get mad when he realizes all his bombs are gone?"

_Of course he will,_ Hidan thought. _But you're too fuckin' stupid to even set off one. I don't think you're in any danger from him._

Kakazu walked back up. "We have a mission."

"Right, right. That's just like Pein. That bastard's always ruining my fun."

"Well if you didn't take so long with those rituals of yours..."

"Fuckin' hell! You know what you and that money obsession of yours can do?"

"What is that?"

"You can go suck a-"

"MASTER HIDAN!"

"What the fuck do you want, runt?"

"Don't you have an easier job for Tobi? Tobi can't set off Deidara-sempai's bombs."

Hidan smirked evilly. "Oh, you'll figure it out eventually, you little bastard."

With that, Hidan and Kakazu left Tobi standing there.

Tobi pouted and struck the flint against the wick.

"It" -stomp- "just" -stomp- "won't" -stomp- "work!" -stomp-

(A/N:There's a reason he gave you flint _and_ a rock Tobi! Sheesh.)

"Wait a minute." Tobi spotted the rock Hidan had given him. He picked it up and struck it against the flint.

A small spark bounced off.

Tobi gasped and struck the two together once more near the wick.

The spark ate the wick greedily.

The bomb started to whine.

Tobi dropped the rock and flint in shock, fell to his knees with his hands over his head and cried, "Tobi is a good boy!"

The bomb, instead of rocketing into the air like it was supposed to, as luck would have it (or Tobi's at least), shot across the ground and set off the next three bombs in the round.

The resounding explosion flung Tobi into a tree and blew that side of the base to smithereens.

"TOBI!"

"Ack! Tobi is a good boy!"

"When I get my hands on you, you little bastard," Deidara growled. "You're going to wish you were never born."

"Ack! Don't hurt me, Deidara-sempai. Tobi is a good boy!"

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**Well, there it is. If you think of an idea that you'd like to see, tell me. Otherwise, I hope you enjoyed reading!**


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